An old blog I found.

So, what's a better way to start out a new home for my writings than by posting one of my older blogs. Especially considering I can't think of much else to write about just now. So here goes. The original title of this blog was "A Princess of God." mainly because I'd written it after church one night in November.

Ha, sometimes realizations come at the most random times. Here I am, sitting amongst paper, pens, and post its poised to begin a paper that's due at 11am tomorrow. I'm talking to one of my best friends on facebook, contemplating an intro. I realized it then, as some random thought spun through my head, that I have such a sever abandonment issue that sometimes I'm barely functional. I often let it control me, I let it rear its ugly head, letting these negative float in and out of my consciousness. I often have these thoughts that I'm not worth anyone's time, that sooner or later they will grow bored with me and leave me for bigger and better things. I know that there are some people who will never leave. I know I can rely on my family, well the majority of them, to always be there. I know that Samantha and her family are there for me, that they are willing to beat the shit out of someone just for making me cry. I love them dearly, they're family. It took years to get that relationship though. Years to know where I stood. There are others I'm not so sure of, so naturally I test them. Test to see just how much they'll put up with before they finally get fed up. It takes a certain amount of time before I seriously decide you're with me for the long run. God, I'm sick. I'm sick for thinking its okay to do that. Thinking it's okay to play with someone like that. In all honesty I don't conciously do this, I only realize afterward how stupid I had been. So, I've decided to turn over a new leaf. God has a plan for me. I know he does. I don't need to be so clingy, I will always have Him with me no matter who comes in and out of my life. After all it was Him that brought them there in the first place and He has the power to decide when It's time for them to go. I am after all a Princess of God, I am his to mold. He will shape me into the person He wants me to be. 2009 will be my year, a year of adventure and hope. A year of new beginnings. I'm going to follow my heart and go where it takes me. I give it to God, these feelings and thoughts. Wow, I just got really preachy. I'm proud of myself. I really do feel renewed though. Church does that to me.